Ride pics

Playing around with videos and pics while out riding:

 

 

Hero dirt - hard packed, some moisture still from overnight frost

Rocks, everywhere!

Big skies, snowy mountains and warm sunshine

Canyonlands and the Big Silence

I've been wanting to get out to the Needles District of Canyonlands National Park for a while now and finally did recently.  It's quite a ways from where I live and the easier way to see the Park is from the Island in the Sky area to the North.  The Needles is 40 miles south of town and 20+ miles from the main road.  Nevertheless, the drive is gorgeous and well worth the trip.

The approach from the highway goes through Indian Creek Rec Area and was particularly scenic and a new area for me to explore.  I'm excited to get back out there when the temperatures are warmer and days longer.

While the topography is nearly the same as the rest of the area, what struck me was a sense of remoteness and utter silence.  A high pressure weather system has been sitting over the region for a while and we seem to be at the center of it.  Temps are mild, the wind is non-existent and there's not a cloud in the sky!  Perfect hiking weather.

After listening to a recent radio program on electronic smog and electromagnetic hypersensitivity, it dawned on me that going to remote places like this on a regular basis are essential to health overall. I recommend this show and advise people make attempts to remove some of this smog from their lives on a regular basis.  The point made by the guest that a 30min cell phone call affects the brain for hours later really hit home.

 

 http://www.groundzeromedia.org/puddle-in-a-microwave/

 

Days are too short for long hikes, but this one was pretty awesome even for a short duration.  I look forward to going back and getting lost for a day in the Spring.

What a difference a year makes!

It was high time to leave Michigan and get back out to the Rocky Mountain West.  At the time, I didn't really know how that was going to happen.  But like with anything, when you focus on a dream or a goal, a deep desire, the World opens up and makes a clear path for you to follow. 

My biggest initial apprehension about moving was simply being alone along the path.  But at one point I knew that the only way I would get to do what I dreamed of doing was to go it alone.  No one I knew was in a position to come with me, nor did any of them really want to leave.  Complacency has a momentum all its own, like the grooves of a vinyl record that can be hard to escape.  But I'm glad to be gone.  It was easy to fall into old habits.  It was easy to find a partner to share the misery of the place.  But now I see how that was happening all around me and I wonder, "why the fuck would I do that?!"  Copious days in the woods and a centering back to myself helped me break out of that paradigm.  I am so much better for it.  No more sadness.  No more longing for something better.  No more shoveling snow (not yet anyway!).   I was able to leave everything behind me, the past seems to hardly exist anymore.  I live in the NOW and watch the future unfold without too much deep expectations of its outcome.  Because, honestly, it always seems to unfold perfectly.  Learning to allow and accept was a huge victory for me.

To see where I've gone, some of the adventures I've had, you can link to my Instagram page here:

https://instagram.com/chadguyer/

The Earth is healing.  Ultimately,  I feel we are constructs of the planet itself and that through its elements, we get regeneration, recalibration, synchronization to the Home frequencies that instill well-being and happiness.  I think, too, that each individual has their preference for the Element they enjoy the most.  Mine happens to be sky (air) and rocks (earth).  Oddly, though I'm considered a Water sign (Cancer), I don't really relate as quickly to the sea (6 years in the Navy beg to differ).  Maybe I just don't seem to choose it now.  I guess my Aquarius ascendant is pulling rank these days (as it should).   Most human spaces are just ugly, un-energetic.  Gone is the glory of the architecture and building seen in Gothic Europe.  We build cheap shelter from the very healing elements of this place - the Sun, the Wind.  We treat the materials, rock and wood, with harsh chemicals that pollute our spaces, our bodies.  It has been a healing experience for me to come to the desert, the mountains and all the spaces in between.

Since Instagram is a better medium for pictures, I will continue to post them there and not here.  If you hate reading and just like photos (picture books), just follow me there.

Languish

I dreamed I was lying in my bed, sobbing quietly, but I'm not aware of why.

I awoke to find myself lying in my bed sobbing quietly.  That realization allowed me to let the rest of it go.  I still am unaware of why.  But it occurred to me: My subconscious and conscious were doing the same thing.  While I might like to think that somehow I've come "Full Circle", what I really think is that I'm back at the beginning.  Right where I began, having made zero progress at all.  I'm not weathering the Storm...I am the Storm.

Some days I just want to go Home.  I don't know the way anymore.

New things

I'm going to be trying some new things for this blog as well as create a new blog specifically for massage and health topics, so look for that soon. You will be able to subscribe to either one, so do that! Share your thoughts, experiences and make this a more interactive experience. I noticed that I did a blog post last year around this time when I first received my new Kona, with lots of Fall images. Seems the color this year has not been as spectacular as it was last year. I wonder what causes that. The riding however, has been equally good, if not better. This has been a great year for me for cycling, perhaps rivaling some of the years in CO, where riding was so abundant. But riding in CO took years to be a "great" experience. The learning curve was exceptionally steep, no pun intended. Riding in real mountains is a feat of utter strength, stamina and iron will. Many trails, especially those out West, were not built for cyclists. Over time as bikes became more used, trails were opened to cyclists, but the steep inclines and poor construction rendered them incredibly difficult. 30 years of mountain biking in earnest has begun to produce more cycling friendly trails. But coupled with the difficult terrain was the sheer lack of oxygen, this sea level rider took months to adapt! Once I got strong enough and built enough endurance, I found I didn't even have the proper equipment capable of riding much of Colorado's tough terrain. I went through 3 different bikes in 5 years, with many experiments in tires, suspension and clothing to find the right fit for all the opportunities that CO, UT, WY, AZ and NM provided. Though I never suffered serious injury, I sure shed a lot of blood in the Desert! I learned to be a tougher biker, to ride steep grades, jump off of ledges, ride faster, smoother, better. After about 3 years, I settled on this bike, the 6" travel Ellsworth Moment. It was stiff, heavy and had all the attributes I needed to climb, drop and repeat. Even this bike, though, was a compromise and since 2005, when I bought this bike, things have changed radically. I loved this bike though and rode it for at least 8 years, which in the life of an aluminum mountain bike is pretty good.



Riding Cowboy Trails in Las Vegas Nevada, some of the gnarliest desert riding I found

Segway past Nevada riding, which was just excellent, and on to Michigan, where it all began for me. The trails don't go up and down in large quantities, but they roll like a roller coaster, if they change at all. Equipment needed to change and thus last year I sold the Ellsworth and got a Kona Honzo steel framed hardtail 29er. The change is wheel size from the traditional 26" wheel of the 1980s was an excellent upgrade for MI trails and the "feeling" of the bike is so similar to the 6" travel bike that the changeover for me was quite seamless. :


Believe it or not, this is actually a Spring ride in MI, Easter to be exact

Well, that was a bit of round about way of coming to the images of the Fall riding I've been doing to tie in last year's post. So, here they are!

That Neptune in Pisces thing

Neptune is currently at home in Pisces. It rules the imagination, deep waters of spirituality and dreams.  Since it settled there, I've noticed that my dreams have gotten more vivid. Often these dreams are about people I've known, lovers, family. It seems I'm dealing with past traumas in many dreams, sometimes though, they can be violent, disturbing, unpleasant. Those dreams I can actually pull myself out of.

Last night I dreamed of Wendy and she came to offer me deep, overdue Feminie healing, as only she could. Most of my relationship wounds began with her. It's likey that I've carried many of them forward because, looking back, I just didn't know how to deal with all of it properly and it coincided with a lot of deeper idealistic changes, physical changes, and so on. So, a lot of trauma. And, in looking back at my life, I rarely change just one thing at a time: I change everything all at once. Big steps on the journey, "spiritual sprints" along the life path.

I miss Wendy. She's my archetype for all others in my life. 10 other girls couldn't replicate all that she was to me. There have been moments, but nothing complete. Maybe I created that archetype around her. Ultimately all experiences and relations are personal and I wonder if we ever really KNOW another, just what we create around them and what we perceive them to be from our personal vantage. Makes it hard to live up to another's expectations. I bet we'd all agree that to be someone's expectation is a hard mission to accomplish.

Neptune will rest at home in Pisces until 2028, so expect this deep spiritual progression to continue for many years. We'll be in Deep Water for a while, so I suggest you Learn to Swim.

Dreams are the pits!

You always come to me in dreams. It's rarely ever pleasant, maybe once, but I truly can't recall. 

My life is in shambles since you've gone, nary a single aspect in order.  I keep trying to climb out, because that's what you do when you're at the bottom.  But I see no light to guide me, so I have no way of knowing in which direction I'm moving or if I'm really even moving at all.

In this last dream, I just surrendered to the madness. Meeting a homeless man rummaging through garbage for food, I decided to join him, to just drop out altogether.  Resisting has become so tiresome, and frankly, your lack of empathy has driven me here, leaving nothing to return to anyway: broken car with flat tires, empty savings, and just sadness.  A life utterly devoid. 

It clouds my whole day.  No amount of sunshine and blue skies lightens my mood.  God, I hate it here.  Looking back, I'm not quite certain that I haven't always, but there were moments, cold sand in the backyard sand box, blue oceans with dolphins along the bow.  Sure, it's nice to look at, but other than that...

Gemini dreams under a Piscean moon

I just watched Michelle Williams portrayal of Marylin Monroe in "My Week with Marylin".  The representation reminded me so much of my wife, herself a Gemini; how similar they all seem.  Tortured, haunted, vivacious and captivating and oh so effervescent.  The tighter you try to cling, the faster they seem to slip away.  As the moon lies in Pisces, and with Neptune resting in its home sign, I expect to be "dreamy".  But this is different...something lingers in my mind, I can't find it, it's as delicate as that sad Gemini, it's love and loss rolled together, a lingering touch of skin, the scent of delicate hair and the suffering of being unable to stop it from going.  I lived that story, captivated by my own Marylin.  Missing them both today.

Autumn - A tale from the trail

The trail in Autumn is my favorite thing. Spring is nice, new and warm, but can be muddy and it rains often.  There have been whole months of Spring lost to rain...Summer is ok, but the heat and bugs can be a real downer.  Wearing light clothes is a plus, though.  But Autumn is just perfect.  Cool, dry and scenic all at once.

A new bike to add to the season doesn't hurt either!

Fall color in MI is simply divine:

As the bigger trees lose their leaves, smaller open areas are exposed.  The beauty of the season comes in layers.  These reminded me aspens in CO (a sight to behold in their own right!)

Golden maple leaves shine despite the cloudy day.  They simply radiate!

This trail I know, like an old lover, every curve, every up and down.  Somedays I don't need to see it to even ride, I feel it undulate beneath me, drop away and rise. Speed, power, sometimes soft gentle flow, this trail offers every subtlety of the best ones ever made.  The terrain is comprised of dirt, rock, roots, sand and clay.  But in Fall, these items become covered in a rich blanket of oak, maple, and cottonwood leaves, with some fragrant sections of pine and open grasslands.  When you can't see the obstacles, you ride faster, free to flow over those things your bike says yes, but your brain says no.

Fast, churning efforts rewarded with exuberant speed through candy coated woods.

Too few stop to see the wonderful creatures that inhabit this area.  All manner of birds, from jays, cardinals, vultures, hawks and woodpeckers, to deer, squirrels, chipmunks, snakes and turtles.  And there was this serene swan just waiting for his cameo.  Often in the summer, beautiful lotus flowers bloom here.

Trees carry large quantities of healing energy forth from deep witinh the ground.  We are children of Gaia and through her calm, constant resonant frequency, we can heal all manner of things.  We can transmute the pain of living, the sickness and anxiety.  One cannot help but match the frequency of Earth if you just let it take over.  Reaching for the heavens, yet rooting in the ground is a spiritual principle called Extension, as described in the great book "The Invisible Garment", by Connie Kaplan.  I think this well describes our human existence.

I've left this trail stain in blood, sweat and tears.  I've met a vulture who cleaned the dead scars from my heart, a hawk who inspired me to ride fast through the chaos, snakes who brought messages of transformation and creativity.  I've laughed with good friends, hollered off jumps and drops, and crashed hard when I lived recklessly and without concern for the most precious things in my life.  Every journey here is new, every ride a joy.

But it has never broken me, though I have not mastered it, I have become one with it.  Like other trails since, I long to be here often.  But this one was my first and it's my home trial, and I love it!

What Dreams May Come

This analysis starts with two dreams. 

 

The first dream begins with Chantal and I in an apartment.  She receives a phone call and then proceeds to scurry about the room cleaning.  She looks at me and I know we have to go.  I don't know who's on the phone, it's either her Mom or ex-boyfiend.  Either way, I need to leave before that person arrives or she needs to leave when they do.  There's a need to keep my presence a secret, however.  In real life, this scenario played out several different times.  Often, it made me feel uneasy, anxious or urgent at best.

 

In the next dream, I'm in a home/apt and I'm cleaning it out, moving.  It looks like a hotel, everything is in a single room, divided by a bar and kitchen area.  The door is open and I can see out into the front yard. I see a sidewalk, a car (mine maybe) and a clothesline?  There's been violence (root word "violate") there.  I'm folding women's underwear, several colorful pairs - they're Crystal's and Chantal's.  I'm packing up their things.  I turn to the fridge, inside are empty beer bottles, some food, not rotten, but nothing nutritious.  I get the meaning that everything inside is "used up" and no longer of value to "feed" me, spiritually.  Above the fridge are cabinets.  Inside the cabinet, I see some foam heads with wigs on them.  The heads are my face, the wigs my older hair styles, curly, brown hair.  Everything in here is very dusty.  I get the sense that this is macabre, like trophies a serial killer would keep in a cabinet.  To the left of that is old stuff of mine, boxes, a hockey bag, equipment.  In between are various books.  I try to read the titles but I wake.  I sense there were some Tolkien, spiritual things.

 

More about the front yard:  On March 17th 2011, Chantal and I had gone to her friend's house for St Patrick's day.  It was low key and she was having a birthday party for her son the following Sunday, so we wanted to be home and rested for that, the next day.  On this night, I decided that I would park in her driveway, overnight.  I think that was the first time.  Generally, I parked away from her house.  We felt it was best to hide the fact I was sleeping over from her ex-boyfriend.  But honestly, I wanted more than that. I wanted to establish myself, have a firm hold in her life and be free of secrecy.  The next morning, I found both front tires slashed.  I had backed the car in.  To this day, I don't know why, except it seemed like opening the front of my body, my heart to the "outside".  It was symbolic, for sure.  This "violation" put strain on Chantal and I.  We worked it out, but it was never the same.  I wonder if she felt that she could never be truly free of the other.  I know she felt this reflected poorly on her.  I did not think so, nor do I believe that even today.  The actions of others are their own.  When it happened again, while parked away from her home, I felt anger.  Funny enough, I didn't realize it until I went and got the car and parked in her driveway, so actually, same circumstance.  For me, the front of her house, and indeed even inside, hold many, many negative feelings and emotions.  They were present in my dream.  Both a psychic and an astrologer asked me what happened between us in April.  I think this is the event they are referring to.  It was a violation of both of us, though in different ways.

 

Throughout the dream sequence, I got the sense that I was "cleaning" my psyche.  I knew that during the dream.  It was pretty linear and symbolic.  Hard to miss!

3 Days of Darkness

This article of channeled information hit me like a sledge hammer.  Think "rapture", in common terms.

Things are different now, I feel them, I feel everything, I know things, kids are different - the world has changed, if you really pay attention to what you know.  

http://rainbow-phoenix.com/blog/2012/12/18/dec-17-cosmic-awareness-talks-about-aspects-of-ascension.html

New Moon, Uranus direct and the End of the World

Sure, people tend to think astrology is hokey entertainment, but in actuality, things, events, storms, etc. seem to coincide with astrological events. Timing is everything and these energies are within us, we only project them to the outside world, like the planets or elements or whatever. We, on 12/13 we had a New Moon, good time to start a new project for the coming lunar cycle, but Uranus, in Aries went direct - Uranus is the planet of surprises. I think we were all surprised, stunned really, by the events that unfolded in CT that week.  A month prior to that, a big full moon on Halloween ushered in a hurricane across the East Coast.

This week is the "official" end to the Mayan calendar calculations, depending on who you read. Either way, it IS the Winter Solstice, the beginning of a new season, Winter, the end of a year approaching (by zodiac terms, the beginning of the New Year is March 21st). Winter is a time of contemplation, reflection, and relaxation. But with Christmas thrown in the mix, it is anything but for many people. With the end of the Mayan cycles, they say that this year 2012 completes several major astronomic cycles all the same time. Cycles that span 26,000 years, 5000 years, 2100 years and so on. And what makes this time special is that they all converge simultaneously in the end of an Age (Pisces) and the beginning of a new Age (Aquarius). That's roughly one of the shorter 2000 year cycles. So, with the new Lunar cycle, we have and ending/beginning combo shortly after. A big one, really. To me, this is overpowering for a small lunar cycle, so I chose to make no "intentions" on the Moon this month in favor of maybe just riding out this extremely tumultuous period in observation.

Patient observation isn't my thing, so I've simply been making of mess of my past relationship...perfect.

Finally, we have a Full Moon on 12/28 which astrologers are comparing to the big one that hit me back in Sept when Chantal and I split up. They say this one could be equally jarring (how I make it through more of that is anyone's guess). However, it also looks like it completes the cycle that began on 9/30, so I suppose that's a good thing because Autumn, for me, has been utterly horrible and I'll be glad to see it go. Saturn in Scorpio has me moving back and forth between its influences: Death and Rebirth. I'm all over the map these days and feel very unstable. Too much is ending, nothing fresh is coming online and there's too much sadness in the world. I feel it all and I'm struggling against it. So, in a way, it IS the end of the world and maybe that world needs to end because it hasn't been all that fabulous to begin with, from my perspective.

Sure, people tend to think astrology is hokey entertainment, but in actuality, things, events, storms, etc. seem to coincide with astrological events. Timing is everything and these energies are within us, we only project them to the outside world, like the planets or elements or whatever. We, on 12/13 we had a New Moon, good time to start a new project for the coming lunar cycle, but Uranus, in Aries went direct - Uranus is the planet of surprises. I think we were all surprised, stunned really, by the events that unfolded in CT that week. This week is the "official" end to the Mayan calendar calculations, depending on who you read. Either way, it IS the Winter Solstice, the beginning of a new season, Winter, the end of a year approaching (by zodiac terms, the beginning of the New Year is March 21st). Winter is a time of contemplation, reflection, and relaxation. But with Christmas thrown in the mix, it is anything but for many people. With the end of the Mayan cycles, they say that this year 2012 completes several major astronomic cycles all the same time. Cycles that span 26,000 years, 5000 years, 2100 years and so on. And what makes this time special is that they all converge simultaneously in the end of an Age (Pisces) and the beginning of a new Age (Aquarius). That's roughly one of the shorter 2000 year cycles. So, with the new Lunar cycle, we have and ending/beginning combo shortly after. A big one, really. To me, this is overpowering for a small lunar cycle, so I chose to make no "intentions" on the Moon this month in favor of maybe just riding out this extremely tumultuous period in observation. Patient observation isn't my thing, so I've simply been making of mess of my past relationship...perfect. Finally, we have a Full Moon on 12/28 which astrologers are comparing to the big one that hit me back in Sept when Chantal and I split up. They say this one could be equally jarring (how I make it through more of that is anyone's guess). However, it also looks like it completes the cycle that began on 9/30, so I suppose that's a good thing because Autumn, for me, has been utterly horrible and I'll be glad to see it go. Saturn in Scorpio has me moving back and forth between its influences: Death and Rebirth. I'm all over the map these days and feel very unstable. Too much is ending, nothing fresh is coming online and there's too much sadness in the world. I feel it all and I'm struggling against it. So, in a way, it IS the end of the world and maybe that world needs to end because it hasn't been all that fabulous to begin with, from my perspective.

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Listening to Lisa Renee's latest podcast, I realized some really important things.  I've been struggling for months with my breakup and fighting against it, mentally, emotionally.  It has led to a bought of deep sadness, depression, anxiety and very real thoughts of suicide and a feeling of disconnect with life.  She explains that struggle here and I feel that it's what I've been doing: struggling against the world creating anguish in my own life:

http://www.energeticsynthesis.com/index.php/resource-tools/news-shift-timelines/2119-quintessence

 

If you feel that your struggling against the world, like I did/was, perhaps this can help you too.  It's time to give in to the Higher Power at work, whatever you feel that that is.

To listen, it's "Energetic Synthesis" on iTunes.

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I've seein a lot of birds of prey lately.  They've come close to me, within a few feet, closer than I've ever seen (except for one amzing flyover by a bald eagle on a canoe trip!).  Looking at Michigan's bird species, its probably some kind of hawk, Coopers or Sharp Shinned:

The hawk totem is thus:

Hawk is the messenger, the protector and the visionaries of the Air. It holds the key to higher levels of consciousness. This totem awakens vision and inspires a creative life purpose.

A Hawk totem is filled with responsibility because Hawk people seek the overall view. They are aware of omens and spirit messages. A Red-Tailed Hawk Totem is special. It has direct ties to the Kundalini, the seat of primal life force. It is associated with the base chakra . If you have this Totem, you will be aware of and work towards fulfilling your soul's purpose. It reflects a greater intensity of energy within your life:  physical, emotional, mental and spiritual forces will all be strong within you. The Red-Tail Hawk is a permanent totem -- it will always be with you. It is associated with the number "14" with the Tarot card Temperance. This card represents the teaching of higher expressions of psychic ability and vision.   I have 5 planets in my birth chart in Air Signs.  I always wanted to be a pilot.  I feel comfortable in the air.  "14" was always my lucky number, and for anyone who knows me, knows that I am a Temperate man. I see these hawks as reinforcing what I already know of myself.  I honor their message as I've done before. If animals come to you, see if you can find the message in their presence.  There is always a message there...

 

New Moon in Scorpio, Solar Eclipse

...in my 5th House of True Love and Creativity!  While it should be an exciting time, I feel as though things are coming to a head in many areas of my life.  Pressed to the extreme, I am lucky to even see this New Moon.  So, lets see where all this goes...

 

My Intentions for this Moon:

 

I INTEND to heal my incredibly broken heart, once and for all, eliciting all the help from friends and family that I can find

I INTEND to hold the space for Chantal that I have for this long for one more lunar cycle, to see through the complex astrology of this time in her life and our collective.  I INTEND to do this in a most healthful and healing way, with no attachment to the outcome, but hopeful for a happy future with her.

I INTEND to focus on my life as it is now, here, in this place and with what's presented to me.  Not focusing on the future, or the past, paying close attention to the signs, signals and messages I'm being presented.

I INTEND to finalize my divorce by the next Lunar cycle.  I INTEND to create any resources needed to accomplish this once and for all.  I INTEND to be free from the past that ties me down.

I INTEND to enhance my spiritual connection in order to facilitate all of the above.

 

The space we are in now is incredibly intense.  I hope all of you are finding a way to cope.  Lean on each other, be close to those who love you, forgive each other, find a calm space every day.

 

 

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It's a New Moon in Libra (12:02 UDT, 7:02 EDT) and as I have in the past, I wanted to make some intentions for this lunar cycle.  The energy is stronger the closer to the New Moon that you do them.

 

I intend to hold space in my life for my relationship with Chantal to continue.  I do this with the desire that this outcome is in the best interest of all parties, her, me and her son, as well as our families and the future that our union would create.  

I intend to shift my belief structures surrounding relationships, to create the most supportive and solid structures that attract the best long term outcomes to my life.

I intend to begin the divorce process and file all necessary paperwork as soon as possible.

I intend to learn to communicate with my Spirit Guides, Angels and dragon on a more consistent basis, to be able to leave the debilitating realm of the mind and center my actions in the High Heart of the 5th Dimension.

I intend to commune with nature on a regular basis, to the best of my ability in the area that I currently live.

I intend to open my heart to abundance, in all its forms, and to create from a field of love and truth.

Follow up on the Uranus/Pluto square and the Monster full moon of Sept 30th

The last full moon, what one astrologer termed a "Monster Moon", had some tremendous affects on me.  Whenever the moon is full, it is in "opposition" to the sun.  Opposition is a hard aspect for any two planets in so much as they are at odds with each other for your attention.  I know they try to scientifically explain the effects of full moons, but astrology has done that already.  The Moons weapons are "emotion", while the Sun fights with its pride and ego.  You can see how a full moon can be a chaotic affair.

 

This last full moon was conjunct with Uranus, planet of "surprises" and "change".  Uranus moves things out fast.  So this conjunction could be seen as "emotional surprises", in opposition to "pride and ego".  As if that wasn't enough, Pluto sat at a 90 degree square to all three of these bodies.  This is called a "square" aspect.  It's considered stressful in astrology.  Pluto rules the Underworld and brings out the hidden, the secret, the unexpressed.

 

This was the perfect storm.  The week of the Uranus/Pluto square, Sept 19th saw many sad displays of stress; suicides, murders, random events of struggle and the frayed ends of sanity.  This was only the beginning.  As astrologers describe it, the Uranus/Pluto square was the dynamite, the full moon was the lighting of the fuse.  It blew up in my face.

 

My relationship to my most beloved girlfriend ended the day after of the full moon, Sept 30.  Tired of my inability to be who I truly am and frightened to be who she is not (sorry this is vague, I've been really getting to the bottom of it and it has taken over a week, I cannot explain it all here), she ended our affair.   I was shocked (Uranus).  I was emotional (full moon).  I was angry (sun).  It was something she had been testing me on, compiling, examining (pluto).  I utterly failed her.  But worse of all, I failed myself.  I wasted 2 years denying what I really came here to do with my life.  She was to be the one to save me from my self.  I always knew it.  My heart told me so the moment I saw her.  But fear is a killer.  Killer of dreams, killer of hopes, killer of potential and happiness.  Fear ruined my relationship.

 

Shortly after this Monster Moon, Saturn transited through Libra (Sign of Relationships) and on into Scorpio.  Saturn did it's job.  It forced me to look at how my relationships work, what they do for me and why we have them.  3 major break ups during the 3 year transit of Saturn in Libra has been trying on my soul.  I considered suicide on a repeated basis.  I cried, I raged, I drank and sulked.  I examined it from every angle with every tool I could muster:Reiki, massage, Theta healing, astrology, tarot, books on trauma, vibration, the quantum field.  I have learned so much in 3 years because of this transit that surely I'd have it all figured out by now, right?!  Only now, at the end do I truly understand...

 

Now that Saturn has moved on the Scorpio, I have more hope that what I've learned will be able to guide me in the future.  Deeply understanding relationships and working (Saturn=work) on that has helped me in ways that I look forward to putting into practice.  And now that I see this association, I have awareness of what the next transit will address.  Scorpio is the sign of regeneration, birth and death (expect this change - astrologers aren't talking about it, but I think it's a definite possibility), reproduction.  Scorpio is the sign ruled by Pluto.  It's the deep dark recesses of ourselves and the hope that rebirth can bring.  As a water sign myself, perhaps I will be better able to deal with this transit.  In my natal chart, both the Moon and Uranus are located in my 7th House (ruled by Libra).  This is just like it was at the end of Sept. so I think it was "cosmic" in nature and affected that House for me because that influence was prebuilt in to my chart.  Everyone has a point of focus in their lives.  It's evident in their birth chart.  The more of them I do, the more I see how each of us is really here to do major work in specific areas.  But we spend most of our lives unaware.  We just "do our best" without real guidance.  Without it, it can be difficult.  Even with it, it's difficult, but at least I now have avenues of understanding.  For me that's been really important.

 

How it will all turn out, I have no idea.  Signals are mixed now and not very clear.  On top of that, there's what  I truly want and it clouds what's in front of me.  That's been my problem the whole time.  I don't believe that we are here to get what we want.  In fact, "wanting" seems to be an impediment to growth because you cannot see and accept what you're being offered.  Accept "The Plan" as it is.  We're not taught that.  We're taught to choose some goal and shoot for it.  It's difficult now as I've spent a lot of time not doing what I feel has always been the right thing for me.  If that's the case, is it too late?  How hard will it be to change course now, to progress on the right path?  Saturn in Scorpio says to keep fighting for what I want...

 

Just keep swimmin'...

 

Uranus Square Pluto

A great article, again, by Barbara Hand-Clow on the coming Uruanus ()/Pluto () square ().

http://handclow2012.com/News/Intentions2ndUP.pdf

She discussed the South Node of the moon () (not shown below), which would be at 27 degrees Taurus, opposite the North Node (). Further info about the Nodes can be found here.  

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lunar_node

I find the Vedic astrological mythology fascinating, also.  The terminology and symbols can be confusing, so I've included some.  Squares are hard aspects, problems to be solved as it were.  Trines are positive, supporting aspects that enhance the energies of planets.

As a therapist, I really resonate with the message of healing coming through with the Sun trine the South Node.  Virgo is the sign of the healer and deals with all manner of issues related to health - food, exercise, hygiene, etc.

Also shown here is a Saturn/Neptune trine.  I found this info interesting: 'You're skillful in gaining secret information, solving mysteries and analyzing the subtle factors of business investment and stocks"

http://www.oocities.org/rbltre/astro/saasne.html#trine

In the chart below, there's a lot of activity in the 4th House of Home.  Concurrently, Saturn is conjunct the imum coeli here, also a symbol for home/mother, which is to say, it's opposite the mid-heaven, or mid-coeli.  Here's some info on that:

Saturn Opposite Midheaven: You can be cold and formal in your home life or may lack warmth in a parent/child relationship, usually with your father. Heavy responsibilities can cause home problems and often one parent may become a burden. Inhibition will prevent your ambitions from fully developing. You often experience conflict between home and career, often centering on your sense of duty to both.

http://www.oocities.org/rbltre/astro/saasmc.html#opposite

Expect a lot of activity in this realm of your life personally.  It is already occurring here in my home life. Mars is at home in Scorpio and will do much tenacious digging and active pursuit of those goals of Scorpio in the 4th House.  There's certainly a lot of "truth" in Washington D.C. that needs to come out!

All in all, these successive Uranus/Pluto squares are "rattling the cages", as it were.  Expect the changes.  Use the energies.  Don't focus on the negative outside world.  That's important.  The outside world is very much a distraction from what most of us want to accomplish in our personal lives.  If you have the misfortune of being caught up in one of these sensational events, then it is your immediate world and you were meant to be there.  Syria, Iran, Aurora, CO...if you're not there, it wasn't meant for you!

In the words of my favorite internet destination, Red Ice Creations:

"Be Here Now"

http://alabe.com/cgi-bin/chart/astrobot.exe?

 

Untitled

Below I've printed a menu of services that I offer.

 

I'm very excited to be offering Pure Fiji products and services.  Links for my services are below:

My page on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/elementalyou

My chosen products:

http://www.purefiji.com/

The school I went to:

http://hai-colo.com/

Places I perform services:

http://www.luminasanarehealingcenter.com/about/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Mindful-Massage-Spa/109820619082436?ref=ts

My contact information:

Chad Guyer

734.347.4383

chadguyer@gmail.com