This analysis starts with two dreams.
The first dream begins with Chantal and I in an apartment. She receives a phone call and then proceeds to scurry about the room cleaning. She looks at me and I know we have to go. I don't know who's on the phone, it's either her Mom or ex-boyfiend. Either way, I need to leave before that person arrives or she needs to leave when they do. There's a need to keep my presence a secret, however. In real life, this scenario played out several different times. Often, it made me feel uneasy, anxious or urgent at best.
In the next dream, I'm in a home/apt and I'm cleaning it out, moving. It looks like a hotel, everything is in a single room, divided by a bar and kitchen area. The door is open and I can see out into the front yard. I see a sidewalk, a car (mine maybe) and a clothesline? There's been violence (root word "violate") there. I'm folding women's underwear, several colorful pairs - they're Crystal's and Chantal's. I'm packing up their things. I turn to the fridge, inside are empty beer bottles, some food, not rotten, but nothing nutritious. I get the meaning that everything inside is "used up" and no longer of value to "feed" me, spiritually. Above the fridge are cabinets. Inside the cabinet, I see some foam heads with wigs on them. The heads are my face, the wigs my older hair styles, curly, brown hair. Everything in here is very dusty. I get the sense that this is macabre, like trophies a serial killer would keep in a cabinet. To the left of that is old stuff of mine, boxes, a hockey bag, equipment. In between are various books. I try to read the titles but I wake. I sense there were some Tolkien, spiritual things.
More about the front yard: On March 17th 2011, Chantal and I had gone to her friend's house for St Patrick's day. It was low key and she was having a birthday party for her son the following Sunday, so we wanted to be home and rested for that, the next day. On this night, I decided that I would park in her driveway, overnight. I think that was the first time. Generally, I parked away from her house. We felt it was best to hide the fact I was sleeping over from her ex-boyfriend. But honestly, I wanted more than that. I wanted to establish myself, have a firm hold in her life and be free of secrecy. The next morning, I found both front tires slashed. I had backed the car in. To this day, I don't know why, except it seemed like opening the front of my body, my heart to the "outside". It was symbolic, for sure. This "violation" put strain on Chantal and I. We worked it out, but it was never the same. I wonder if she felt that she could never be truly free of the other. I know she felt this reflected poorly on her. I did not think so, nor do I believe that even today. The actions of others are their own. When it happened again, while parked away from her home, I felt anger. Funny enough, I didn't realize it until I went and got the car and parked in her driveway, so actually, same circumstance. For me, the front of her house, and indeed even inside, hold many, many negative feelings and emotions. They were present in my dream. Both a psychic and an astrologer asked me what happened between us in April. I think this is the event they are referring to. It was a violation of both of us, though in different ways.
Throughout the dream sequence, I got the sense that I was "cleaning" my psyche. I knew that during the dream. It was pretty linear and symbolic. Hard to miss!
