That Neptune in Pisces thing

Neptune is currently at home in Pisces. It rules the imagination, deep waters of spirituality and dreams.  Since it settled there, I've noticed that my dreams have gotten more vivid. Often these dreams are about people I've known, lovers, family. It seems I'm dealing with past traumas in many dreams, sometimes though, they can be violent, disturbing, unpleasant. Those dreams I can actually pull myself out of.

Last night I dreamed of Wendy and she came to offer me deep, overdue Feminie healing, as only she could. Most of my relationship wounds began with her. It's likey that I've carried many of them forward because, looking back, I just didn't know how to deal with all of it properly and it coincided with a lot of deeper idealistic changes, physical changes, and so on. So, a lot of trauma. And, in looking back at my life, I rarely change just one thing at a time: I change everything all at once. Big steps on the journey, "spiritual sprints" along the life path.

I miss Wendy. She's my archetype for all others in my life. 10 other girls couldn't replicate all that she was to me. There have been moments, but nothing complete. Maybe I created that archetype around her. Ultimately all experiences and relations are personal and I wonder if we ever really KNOW another, just what we create around them and what we perceive them to be from our personal vantage. Makes it hard to live up to another's expectations. I bet we'd all agree that to be someone's expectation is a hard mission to accomplish.

Neptune will rest at home in Pisces until 2028, so expect this deep spiritual progression to continue for many years. We'll be in Deep Water for a while, so I suggest you Learn to Swim.

Dreams are the pits!

You always come to me in dreams. It's rarely ever pleasant, maybe once, but I truly can't recall. 

My life is in shambles since you've gone, nary a single aspect in order.  I keep trying to climb out, because that's what you do when you're at the bottom.  But I see no light to guide me, so I have no way of knowing in which direction I'm moving or if I'm really even moving at all.

In this last dream, I just surrendered to the madness. Meeting a homeless man rummaging through garbage for food, I decided to join him, to just drop out altogether.  Resisting has become so tiresome, and frankly, your lack of empathy has driven me here, leaving nothing to return to anyway: broken car with flat tires, empty savings, and just sadness.  A life utterly devoid. 

It clouds my whole day.  No amount of sunshine and blue skies lightens my mood.  God, I hate it here.  Looking back, I'm not quite certain that I haven't always, but there were moments, cold sand in the backyard sand box, blue oceans with dolphins along the bow.  Sure, it's nice to look at, but other than that...